this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.

PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?

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[โ€“] Darkard@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.

[โ€“] ShortFuse@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)

~~I write code for those who pay me money.~~

I delete code of people who don't pay me.

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[โ€“] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Iโ€™m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. ๐Ÿคก

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You guys are getting paid?

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[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Are you the port authority or what?

[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 17 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Maritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.

[โ€“] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 11 months ago

Discount Harbor Jesus!

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[โ€“] Pappabosley@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.

In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.

[โ€“] eselover@lemmy.today 5 points 11 months ago

That sounds like what my managers are doing right now, minus the unpivot tables. I have to guess what I am supposed to do.

[โ€“] Donut@leminal.space 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] olafurp@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] altasshet@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 months ago

What a coincidence! I now create them...

[โ€“] cardboardchris@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

I write good code now.

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I transition automated processes into manual labor

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[โ€“] hOrni@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

I am now loving my job.

[โ€“] qevlarr@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

I have a job! Woohoo!

[โ€“] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.

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[โ€“] digilec@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.

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[โ€“] Mighty@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid

[โ€“] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.

Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now

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[โ€“] Gxost@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Now I cut features from software one by one

[โ€“] Eylrid@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

You'll have a promising career at Google

[โ€“] _lilith@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Break computers

[โ€“] ChexMax@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 11 months ago

Now I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.

[โ€“] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit

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[โ€“] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)
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[โ€“] MTK@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I guess I now beat people up?

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[โ€“] Webster@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

~~I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.~~

I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.

[โ€“] Taniwha420@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.

[โ€“] harrys_balzac@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 11 months ago

Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)

[โ€“] psmgx@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.

CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems

[โ€“] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? ๐Ÿค” What's the opposite of a janitor?

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[โ€“] Kamephis@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.

[โ€“] Noodle07@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

How is it working at Boeing?

[โ€“] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.

So apparently I work at Crowdstrike

[โ€“] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

If it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky

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I ignore people with broken bones

[โ€“] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Cause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?

[โ€“] davidagain@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] Bronzefish@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Ill be hosting AA meetings.

[โ€“] JustZ@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

I find people who have been injured by corporations and greed, and rob them.

[โ€“] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 11 months ago

Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.

[โ€“] Tantheiel@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

Outbound inferiority

I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.

[โ€“] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

I race up a mountain in an old suv. Hang gliders fly up and land at rhe top of the mountain. We all drive down to the landing zone.

[โ€“] Xeroxchasechase@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

Efficient desktop destroyer

[โ€“] essell@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago (7 children)

Traumatise people.

Could be fun for a while!

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