this post was submitted on 19 Jul 2024
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I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.

PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?

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[โ€“] Darkard@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.

[โ€“] ShortFuse@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

~~I write code for those who pay me money.~~

I delete code of people who don't pay me.

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[โ€“] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Iโ€™m a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. ๐Ÿคก

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You guys are getting paid?

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[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Are you the port authority or what?

[โ€“] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Maritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.

Discount Harbor Jesus!

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[โ€“] Pappabosley@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.

In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.

[โ€“] eselover@lemmy.today 5 points 1 year ago

That sounds like what my managers are doing right now, minus the unpivot tables. I have to guess what I am supposed to do.

[โ€“] Donut@leminal.space 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] olafurp@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[โ€“] altasshet@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago

What a coincidence! I now create them...

[โ€“] cardboardchris@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

I write good code now.

[โ€“] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I transition automated processes into manual labor

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[โ€“] hOrni@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

I am now loving my job.

[โ€“] qevlarr@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

I have a job! Woohoo!

[โ€“] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.

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[โ€“] digilec@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.

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[โ€“] Mighty@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid

[โ€“] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.

Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now

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[โ€“] Gxost@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Now I cut features from software one by one

[โ€“] Eylrid@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

You'll have a promising career at Google

[โ€“] _lilith@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Break computers

[โ€“] ChexMax@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me

[โ€“] db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 year ago

Now I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.

[โ€“] Eccitaze@yiffit.net 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit

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[โ€“] ArmokGoB@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[โ€“] MTK@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I guess I now beat people up?

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[โ€“] Webster@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

~~I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.~~

I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.

[โ€“] Taniwha420@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.

Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)

[โ€“] psmgx@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.

CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems

[โ€“] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? ๐Ÿค” What's the opposite of a janitor?

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[โ€“] Kamephis@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.

[โ€“] Noodle07@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

How is it working at Boeing?

Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.

So apparently I work at Crowdstrike

[โ€“] BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If it were the opposite, I make sure planes come out of the sky

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I ignore people with broken bones

[โ€“] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Cause brain damage? Idk how do you remove knowledge?

[โ€“] davidagain@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[โ€“] Bronzefish@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Ill be hosting AA meetings.

[โ€“] JustZ@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I find people who have been injured by corporations and greed, and rob them.

[โ€“] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 year ago

Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.

[โ€“] Tantheiel@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Outbound inferiority

I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.

[โ€“] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I race up a mountain in an old suv. Hang gliders fly up and land at rhe top of the mountain. We all drive down to the landing zone.

Efficient desktop destroyer

[โ€“] essell@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Traumatise people.

Could be fun for a while!

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