I would be responsible for creating more and more paper forms which have to be filled by hand before each task.
PS: Can you guess what I'm doing now?
Whatever the guys in MS Cloudstrike did today.
~~I write code for those who pay me money.~~
I delete code of people who don't pay me.
Iโm a teacher, so I guess now I spread misinformation on social media for a living. ๐คก
I think the exact opposite would turn me into a literal pirate; stealing money in a way that statistically increases the risks of maritime commercial ventures.
Are you the port authority or what?
Maritime adjuster. My body is a machine that turns the inherent risk of fishing into box wine.
Discount Harbor Jesus!
I make sure people don't talk to each other about what they're working on and hide important information they need to complete tasks. Sometimes I'll advise them to work on the wrong thing for a long time.
In my spare moments I delete the data in reports and unpivot tables.
That sounds like what my managers are doing right now, minus the unpivot tables. I have to guess what I am supposed to do.
I write good code now.
I fix software bugs
What a coincidence! I now create them...
I am now loving my job.
I write software that scours the internet for porn and other NSL content, then sends it to school kids.
Software engineer here. I'd become the worst thing I can imagine... a user.
I have a job! Woohoo!
Damn I feel like the polar opposite of my job is also my job. But if I try to make it bad, I'd say I would hurt and demotivate children and try to keep them stupid
I lock people out of their homes and break door hardware.
Aww geez, I'm a frat boy now
Now I cut features from software one by one
You'll have a promising career at Google
Break computers
I am served and taken care of from the moment I wake up untill the moment I fall asleep. Someone makes me nutritious meals, and I only do activities that stimulate my brain. Once a year a small baby gets shoved up inside me
Now I'm Not sure if you give birth once per year currently, only gave one birth in your life, or plan to be childless.
~~I work in IT for a company that helps patients get medications they need.~~
I physically prevent people from getting the medications they need.
Well, fuck, I'm now an engineer on day shift. (I'm night shift QA and most of my issues are caused by careless engineers.)
Annihilate transportation infrastructure on a large scale.
CloudStrike has already put me out of business, it seems
Does that mean instead of cleaning up the place, I make it messy as fuck? ๐ค What's the opposite of a janitor?
Black hat hacker, I break into people's servers and fuck up their shit
Instead of talking to the customers and fixing issues I'm writing code and breaking things.
So apparently I work at Crowdstrike
I ignore people with broken bones
I'm an anarcho-capitalist with a real hatred for the homeless.
Ill be hosting AA meetings.
Instead of building homes, I destroy them... So same trade, different step.
I do research on technologies that make airplanes heavier, increase their fuel consumption and make them fall out of the sky more often. Oh and I spend time in the classroom making sure students have no idea how to reverse it.
How is it working at Boeing?
Outbound inferiority
I make sure what I send is going to fail all the tasks. Nothing but the worst for my customers.
Efficient desktop destroyer
I become a Asset Liability Mismanagement specialist.
My job is to devise an investment strategy and corresponding pension benefit structure that maximises the chance that the pension fund runs out of money before all pensions are paid, and does so as quickly as possible while taking as much risk as possible.
So basically what pension schemes did in the 80s and 90s.
I decommission computers with a very efficient inventory and documentation system.
I disorganize rare books and artifacts ๐
Just post something ๐