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loophole rule (files.catbox.moe)
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[-] BloodSlut@lemmy.world 59 points 1 year ago

i bet i could take a werewolf

edit: nvm

[-] noxy@yiffit.net 40 points 1 year ago

i'll fight his dick with my ass

[-] yote_zip@pawb.social 16 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'll visit you in the hospital.

[-] noxy@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago

only if 10 minutes is the maximum, not the minimum. best wait the full 15-30 minutes for the knot to deflate so the pullout doesn't turn my body inside out

[-] yote_zip@pawb.social 4 points 1 year ago

They also never said you can't do some warm-up stretches first. I'll update the quest guide.

[-] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Are we still doing phrasing?

[-] noxy@yiffit.net 7 points 1 year ago

it's overtly horny tho

[-] joyjoy@lemm.ee 33 points 1 year ago

Fighting along-side a werewolf would barely be a challenge.

[-] LoamImprovement@ttrpg.network 32 points 1 year ago

I wouldn't have even given it a second thought, but the addendum...

[-] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 21 points 1 year ago

I could manage just fine, provided it's daytime and/or there's no full moon.

[-] DestroyMegacorps@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 year ago
[-] Neato@kbin.social 36 points 1 year ago

It's a werewolf, so it's night. You're in a forest (naturally).

Werewolf and you are at 100' apart when bell sounds. Werewolf takes a step to the left and disappears behind a tree.

By the time you next see this magically-mutated apex predator he's got his muscled, furry, warm arms around your body and his teeth are closing in on your throat. Your gun is useless at that range and you can't think of anything else but the pounding of your heart in your chest.

[-] spittingimage@lemmy.world 43 points 1 year ago
[-] AVincentInSpace@pawb.social 21 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The werewolf sees the movement and takes his jaws off your neck, but he still has full human intelligence, so instead of chasing it he berates you for a moment for insulting his intelligence by thinking that would work. It's a moment you don't waste. You pick up a pointy stick off the ground and jab it in his eye as hard as you can. He shrieks and picks his forepaws up off the ground to clutch at his face. That means, if only for a moment, that he's no longer pinning you to the ground. You take the opportunity to stand up and bolt, praying that you can outrun him long enough to hide behind a tree.

It's a tense moment, but you do. He tries to sniff you out. You pull out another tennis ball, rub it under your armpit, and roll it towards him. He takes the bait. You sneak up behind him with a rock, ready to bash him over the head, when you step on a twig and he turns around...

[-] rasensprenger@feddit.de 10 points 1 year ago

Do I still have the gun?

[-] Kase@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

This feels like a dark choose-your-own-adventure where every ending is either bad or worse

[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 6 points 1 year ago

Or like an encounter with Shia LaBeouf

[-] moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 1 year ago

By the time you next see this magically-mutated apex predator he's got his muscled, furry, warm arms around your body and his teeth are closing in on your throat. Your gun is useless at that range and you can't think of anything else but the pounding of your heart in your chest.

hot

[-] bbpolterGAYst@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago

cant think of anything but pounding? sounds right

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

But instead of biting down hard enough to crush your jugular, he pauses. Tighens his grip. Exhales heavily. Licks your neck. Your nipples begin to harden. Its finally happening.

[-] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 year ago

This is the fight I came here for.

I'm in for a capping match or a dance off, too.

[-] hazeebabee@slrpnk.net 8 points 1 year ago

The sound of something large and fast circling you snaps your out of your daydream. When did it get so dark? You reach towards your pocket, but there is no phone. You remember now, its at home charging by the couch.

You feel your pulse quicken as the sound of heavy footsteps keep circling you. The shadows of the trees make it hard to see anything clearly, but you still strain your eyes trying to catch a glimpse of whatever has found you out here.

Thr footsteps stop, but that only makes you more anxious. Is it a deer just as terrified as you? No, deer dont walk that heavily. You try to steady your breath as the shadow in front of you takes on the shape of a muscled man. But his head isnt right, its too long, his ears too pointy, too tall.

As the creature steps towards the center of the clearing, moonlight illuminates its hulking form. You think of running but are too slow. Already the creature has lifted its hands above its head, lifting one leg as if to pounce.

Before you can scream, the beast begins twirling. Its massive form moving with a grace you can only describe later as dainty. The creature does a pirouette, leaning its head back. The moon gives you a good view of its face, a grusome smile streached across its glistening fangs.

After a few more impressive moves, the beast bows towards you holding one claw out. It takes you a moment to understand before you lift your own hands up and attempt your own unskilled rendition of a ballerina.

When you finish the beast looks unpleased. Its mouth all the more terrifying now that it is pulled back into a snarl.

You turn to run but the creature grabs you, holding one hand while the other sits softly at your waist. You let out a suprised gasp, but the wolf wastes no time. The two of you begin to waltz around the small forest clearing. The creature makes a good dance partner, and soon you move together in time with eachother, your faces turned towards eachother in the moonlight.

You loose yourself in this moment. Before you cant think of how long it has been, the sun begins coloring the sky above you. You know your time is comming to an end but you dont want it to. As the moon dissappears over the horizon, your dance partner spins you one last time, letting go of your hand and disappearing before you can say goodbye. The night is over and while you lasted through it, you worry there will never be another like it.

[-] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

FREDERICK ABBERLINE: Good sir, have you ever faced a live werewolf?

ME: «sighs wistfully» Yes...once.

[-] DestroyMegacorps@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

I play a desert eagle to my mouth

Am I supposed to.be scared or..?

[-] CarlsIII@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

That can’t be legal. Where’s the ref?

[-] tfw_no_toiletpaper@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago

I can hear the parry sound effect

[-] Gabu@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Followed by

swoosh swoosh swoosh splat splat splat

then

Uuuughhhhaa
YOU DIED

[-] sneezycat@sopuli.xyz 8 points 1 year ago

I hope you remember to pack silver bullets...

[-] vivadanang@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

You think you did, but it turns out the guy from the gun store is the werewolf. He laughs and says "Thanks Gary Larson!"

[-] Nepenthe@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago

Oh, I'm sure at least one of us will be packing

[-] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 year ago

Just bring a lawyer. No bloodshed.

[-] Mandarbmax@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

I got that dawg in me UwU

[-] Mordachai_Shedbacon@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

• Against a robot

this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2023
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