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submitted 10 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world
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[-] kandoh@reddthat.com 35 points 10 months ago

Conservatives believe whatever feels good for them to believe at that exact moment. The only evidence they need that a white football player dating a white pop star is a psyop is the cortisol their brain gave them when they came up with the idea.

[-] _sideffect@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago

So then why don't they bet on it and make tons of cash?

[-] Aabbcc@lemm.ee 12 points 10 months ago

Because there's a chance trump and the good guys can defeat the forces of evil and un-rig the SuperBowl

[-] Omgpwnies@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago

But only if you send them a cheque for your entire life savings

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

What, and take time out of their busy outrage schedule?

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[-] Spot@startrek.website 16 points 10 months ago

Far-right influencer Rogan O’Handley went so far as to suggest that if the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Swift and Kelce would trigger an apocalyptic chain of events that would kill millions. “You MUST defeat the Chiefs,” O’Handley wrote in an X post addressed to the San Francisco 49ers. “If you don’t, Mr. Pfizer and his girlfriend are going to tour the country as ‘world champions’ helping elect Joe Biden WW3 will likely follow in a 2nd Biden term and millions will die. The fate of the free world rests upon your shoulders”

Just wow. Only a tidbit of the crazy they are spouting in this article.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 13 points 10 months ago

I don't get it.

Why would the cabal, the super influential group secretly controlling all our actions, need a football team to win the superbowl to defeat them, and why would they, in all their Machiavellian wisdom, not have considered the 50% chance event that their football team loses?

Why would they pick Biden for another term then start WW3? Why not just start it now if that's what they want and he's already their puppet? They've had 3 years and there's certainly enough political tinder in the world to start a fire.

None of this makes any coherent sense.

[-] EmergMemeHologram@startrek.website 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

You know what, I've thought about this some more and the reasoning is clear.

If the 49ers win, they'll inadvertantly resurrect Harvey Milk, who will kill JFK (who faked his own death and has been lying in wait), who will then be unable to reclaim the last months of his presidency (his term was never officially ended you know) which he planned to use to restore Donald Trump to power. Harvey Milk will then become president and make heterosexuality illegal and force us to live in 15 minute neighborhoods.

That must be their angle! They win either way!

[-] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 3 points 10 months ago

There’s one key piece you’re missing, Joe Montana is actually resurrected Harvey Milk & has been this whole time.

This plan began back when Joe was winning Super Bowls, but Steve Young was an unexpected hiccup. The queer stopped spreading as fast when Joe got traded.

This Superbowl has been chosen specifically because Montana played for both the Chiefs & the 49ers, & because Joe Montana is also Taylor Swift.

They were going to do it 4 years ago, but Joe was still Arianna Grande back then.

It’ll all make sense when Andy Reid eats Travis Kelce during halftime.

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[-] TrueStoryBob@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago

The joke is on them... the game is definitely rigged, she's paid off the NFL so that she can announce she's running for president on an independent ticket against Trump and Biden.

[-] BlackPenguins@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Sadly, that could make Trump win. Swift stealing the younger voters from Biden. No trump supporters would waver for some young singer so the vote would split.

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 13 points 10 months ago

Why would the Superbowl need to be rigged for her to do this? Everything the woman does is already reported and televised everywhere.

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[-] InternetUser2012@midwest.social 13 points 10 months ago

Maybe tell the right wingers that inhaling oxygen is socialism and supported by Biden and the Democrats.

That could solve all of our problems.

[-] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I hear some republican called Cohaagen is trying to make that claim

[-] RootAccess@lemmynsfw.com 12 points 10 months ago

I'm continually impressed at how good Joe Biden is at running this vast, secret, deep state network of people rigging everything... while being so bad at anything else.

[-] jettrscga@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Obligatory definitions of fascism #8:

Fascist societies rhetorically cast their enemies as "at the same time too strong and too weak".

[-] neidu2@feddit.nl 3 points 10 months ago

Kind of how jews are supposedly inferior while also secretly running everything.

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[-] Ticklemytip@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

Hahahahahahaha bahahahahahaaa. Oh wait... They're serious. Let me laugh even harder BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHQHAHAH!

[-] hex_m_hell@slrpnk.net 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There's a Q six letters in. There's 12 months in a year, which is 6x2. That means THIS YEAR BIDEN RIGGED THE SUPER BOWL! It's clearly an admission from a secret agent associatied with Q.

/s just in case it's needed, because we live in the dumbest of all possible time lines.

[-] linearchaos@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Careful, every time we say we live in the dumbest possible timeline somebody on the other side says hold my beer.

[-] TrueStoryBob@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Homer Simpson: "We live in the dumbest possible timeline... so far."

[-] BobGnarley@lemm.ee 6 points 10 months ago

I'm just waiting for it all to devolve into a kind of nonsense where they all go crazy and do a suicide pact or some shit like the Heavens Gate cult. It can't be far behind with the delusions they spit out day after day.

[-] theterrasque@infosec.pub 5 points 10 months ago

They had a trial run with bleach already

[-] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

As a Niners fan…I fully expect Taylor swift to win

Kittle does his thing, Greenlaw and Bosa too.

[-] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

Lmao what the actual fuck 🤣

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[-] taanegl@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

That has to be the lamest conspiracy theory of 2024, and we're only in January. Strap in, kids. It's election year and it's finna be a doozy.

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[-] Mango@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Taylor Swift doesn't need the Superbowl.

[-] CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

She can have a regular owl like the rest of us.

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[-] CleoTheWizard@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

Conservatives are so out of touch that they think that Taylor Swift still needs a platform after a record breaking music tour. If anything, she is the platform that the NFL needs for a female audience, not the other way around.

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[-] Coreidan@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

That’s because right wingers are the dumbest people on the planet

[-] Syringe@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

"Editor wastes ink on this bullshit instead of the news"

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this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2024
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