this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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Microblog Memes

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[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 191 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Wait, you are capable of taking care of what your child accesses online without the government censoring the internet for everyone??? That's impossible!

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 61 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Fascists hate this one simple trick!

[–] x0x7@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

It's labor doing it in the UK. It's the people who people label fascists saying the internet should be free, at least there. In the US it seems to be the opposite.

Maybe the problem is authoritarians.

[–] Hawke@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Always has been.

[–] st3ph3n@midwest.social 136 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 49 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The dark magics are not to be revealed to one so young.

[–] FauxLiving@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If they learn the secret of the crab computer too early, they’ll never be the same.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 10 points 3 weeks ago

The world of sideways mathematics is not for you child.

[–] x0x7@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

I'm not a parent but it must be weird. Hmmm, yes, I think I'm going to establish what is FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE

[–] ThatGuyNamedZeus@feddit.org 66 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

wow...Kaspersky really sucks now, huh?

[–] Emptiness@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago

What do you mean? It's great for russian intelligence.

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 52 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Forbidden knowledge.... You must forget the crab people....

[–] Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 6 points 3 weeks ago

Taste like crab, read like people

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 50 points 3 weeks ago

Sounds like something Strairdrac the Netherwatcher would do.

[–] Nusm@peachpie.theatl.social 44 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean, crabs are dangerously enough already with those strong claws, do we really want them learning how to read too? Think about it….

[taps forehead meme]

[–] lath@piefed.social 41 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I believe 'crabs' used to mean an std at some point, but I don't remember which one. And as we all know, sexual knowledge of all kind is scary stuff, so... Oooooh, protect the kids!

[–] Ele7en7@lemmy.world 34 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Uh, crabs means crabs bruh

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Public Ice was my rap name in the 90s.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Right, part of Pubic Enemy, weren't you?

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 12 points 3 weeks ago

Fuck the po’ lice.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

OMFG I'm old. Yeah, pubic lice are tiny insects (lice) that live on your junk. VERY itchy, otherwise harmless.

Got 'em once and then they came back a couple of months later. Slept in my dad's guest room after his best friend. Didn't even get laid!

Anyway, once internet porn became a thing everyone started shaving their pubes. That was mostly the end of 'em. Saw a crazy story out of Britain where people were volunteering to host them, keep the species alive for study.

If you catch these rare creatures, like a Pokemon from hell, you need nothing special to kill 'em off. I read the ingredients on a bottle of lice shampoo, nothing more than bug spray (pyrethrins) mixed with shampoo. Shave your junk, mix household bug spray into shampoo, wash every bit of your clothes and bedclothes in hot, soapy water, done. Use pyrethrins! I cannot vouch for any other shit you find in your cabinets!

[–] Alph4d0g@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The beaver is only on the endangered list. Not yet extinct.

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[–] spicytuna62@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago
[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago

It was crabs.

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[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 34 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
[–] Forester@pawb.social 19 points 3 weeks ago

I mean you are not wrong but also they do do legitimate work when daddy kremlins not making them do butt stuff to unwitting cx.

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[–] gedaliyah@lemmy.world 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 9 points 3 weeks ago

Everyone needs a hobby.

[–] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Good thing we humans don’t have to actually worry about sea creatures learning to read and using that knowledge to hide amongst you as some sort of secret invasion in your primitive human societies, eh? That’s such a silly thing to think about. Heh…

[–] SugarCatDestroyer@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Evolution is a cruel thing, if they do come out onto land, it will be when the land has already been destroyed after wars for resources and other crap.

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[–] TomArrr@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

'your' primitive human societies?

[–] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Our. I meant our, obviously, duh. Our glorious tasty societies. It was a typo, a simple typo. That’s all.

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[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I like to pride myself on being knowledgeable enough to clarify and expand on carcinology topics on Lemmy, but I don't know enough about crab neuroscience to know how effective this would be. I'm sorry, Lemmy.

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[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 19 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

This design baffles me. If you have your parental software set to block certain things, sure. But why would it need to snitch on attempts to access specific content? If your kid is smart and able to bypass the filter you'd never be notified anyway... So either block it or don't!

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[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 18 points 3 weeks ago

Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll

[x] Teaching crabs how to read

click

[ ] Teaching crabs how to read

phew, bullet dodged

[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago

The way this is phrased, looks like some dystopian authoritarian government might send as a last warning to a parent

[–] NoodlePoint@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

Kaspersky

For a computer security program it is overreaching to the point of ridiculousness.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Who could have gotten that Strairdrac, the Netherwatcher would seek forbidden knowledge?

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 11 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Teach the crabs how to read and the next thing you know lobsters will be doing the tango. It's a slippery slope my friends.

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[–] WizardofIs@lemmy.ml 10 points 3 weeks ago

Carcinization!

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 10 points 3 weeks ago

There's a list of things to not mess around with. Crabs are a bit lower than squirrels, but not by much.

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 9 points 3 weeks ago

Wish my parents named me something cool like stairdrarc the netherwatcher.

[–] Narauko@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

We must never let the crabs know about carcinization, or they will become insufferably egotistical.

[–] Album@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If crabs could read there would be no stopping them.

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[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)
[–] Katana314@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

If they teach crabs how to read, there’s a risk their society will advance to the levels seen in Carcinia, leading to a downfall of overcleanliness as king camtcha bleaches the city against the advice of his wizards, throwing the entire old ocean into disarray.

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