Wait, you are capable of taking care of what your child accesses online without the government censoring the internet for everyone??? That's impossible!
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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Fascists hate this one simple trick!
It's labor doing it in the UK. It's the people who people label fascists saying the internet should be free, at least there. In the US it seems to be the opposite.
Maybe the problem is authoritarians.
Always has been.
FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
The dark magics are not to be revealed to one so young.
If they learn the secret of the crab computer too early, they’ll never be the same.
The world of sideways mathematics is not for you child.
I'm not a parent but it must be weird. Hmmm, yes, I think I'm going to establish what is FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE
wow...Kaspersky really sucks now, huh?
What do you mean? It's great for russian intelligence.
Forbidden knowledge.... You must forget the crab people....
Taste like crab, read like people
Sounds like something Strairdrac the Netherwatcher would do.
I mean, crabs are dangerously enough already with those strong claws, do we really want them learning how to read too? Think about it….
[taps forehead meme]
I believe 'crabs' used to mean an std at some point, but I don't remember which one. And as we all know, sexual knowledge of all kind is scary stuff, so... Oooooh, protect the kids!
Uh, crabs means crabs bruh
Pubic lice.
Public Ice was my rap name in the 90s.
Right, part of Pubic Enemy, weren't you?
Fuck the po’ lice.
OMFG I'm old. Yeah, pubic lice are tiny insects (lice) that live on your junk. VERY itchy, otherwise harmless.
Got 'em once and then they came back a couple of months later. Slept in my dad's guest room after his best friend. Didn't even get laid!
Anyway, once internet porn became a thing everyone started shaving their pubes. That was mostly the end of 'em. Saw a crazy story out of Britain where people were volunteering to host them, keep the species alive for study.
If you catch these rare creatures, like a Pokemon from hell, you need nothing special to kill 'em off. I read the ingredients on a bottle of lice shampoo, nothing more than bug spray (pyrethrins) mixed with shampoo. Shave your junk, mix household bug spray into shampoo, wash every bit of your clothes and bedclothes in hot, soapy water, done. Use pyrethrins! I cannot vouch for any other shit you find in your cabinets!
It was crabs.
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Russian spyware.
I mean you are not wrong but also they do do legitimate work when daddy kremlins not making them do butt stuff to unwitting cx.
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"Wait, what? Why?"
Everyone needs a hobby.
Good thing we humans don’t have to actually worry about sea creatures learning to read and using that knowledge to hide amongst you as some sort of secret invasion in your primitive human societies, eh? That’s such a silly thing to think about. Heh…
Evolution is a cruel thing, if they do come out onto land, it will be when the land has already been destroyed after wars for resources and other crap.
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'your' primitive human societies?
Our. I meant our, obviously, duh. Our glorious tasty societies. It was a typo, a simple typo. That’s all.
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I like to pride myself on being knowledgeable enough to clarify and expand on carcinology topics on Lemmy, but I don't know enough about crab neuroscience to know how effective this would be. I'm sorry, Lemmy.
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This design baffles me. If you have your parental software set to block certain things, sure. But why would it need to snitch on attempts to access specific content? If your kid is smart and able to bypass the filter you'd never be notified anyway... So either block it or don't!
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Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll, Scroll, scroll, scroll
[x] Teaching crabs how to read
click
[ ] Teaching crabs how to read
phew, bullet dodged
The way this is phrased, looks like some dystopian authoritarian government might send as a last warning to a parent
Kaspersky
For a computer security program it is overreaching to the point of ridiculousness.
Who could have gotten that Strairdrac, the Netherwatcher would seek forbidden knowledge?
Teach the crabs how to read and the next thing you know lobsters will be doing the tango. It's a slippery slope my friends.
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Carcinization!
There's a list of things to not mess around with. Crabs are a bit lower than squirrels, but not by much.
Wish my parents named me something cool like stairdrarc the netherwatcher.
We must never let the crabs know about carcinization, or they will become insufferably egotistical.
If they teach crabs how to read, there’s a risk their society will advance to the levels seen in Carcinia, leading to a downfall of overcleanliness as king camtcha bleaches the city against the advice of his wizards, throwing the entire old ocean into disarray.
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