this post was submitted on 11 May 2025
478 points (97.0% liked)

Not The Onion

16172 readers
470 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://ponder.cat/post/2796864

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] notgivingmynametoamachine@lemmy.world 9 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

The only thing Trump needs to add to the Oval Office is his brains sprayed across a wall after an American patriot executes him for high treason.

It’ll make a nice 1cm square of pink (remember, these are brains we’re talking about.)

[–] Bieren@lemmy.world 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] blinx615@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 hours ago

So so close...

[–] xc2215x@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

So obnoxious of him.

[–] Bot@sub.community 4 points 8 hours ago

So self-involved

[–] MordercaSkurwysyn@lemm.ee 8 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

What happened to right wingers? I clearly remember that narcism was universally considered a bad trait especially among conservatives. How are they accepting that?

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 10 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

What ever gave you the impression conservatives didn't glorify narcissists?

[–] MordercaSkurwysyn@lemm.ee 1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

They were always shitting on teens doing anything even remotely individualistic and constantly talking about being humble. That's how I viewed my parents and grandparents generations between 90s and circa 2010.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 10 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

That's never actually about humility though, that's about enforcing heirarchy. Dear Leader gets to be as arrogant as he wants, the kids deserve to get slapped into "their place."

The CEOs get their gold toilets, the prosperity gospel preachers their fleets of luxury cars, and the peons are to be humble and obedient.

[–] CanadianCarl@sh.itjust.works 3 points 9 hours ago

Are we talking about the Canadian Conservative Party? Or am I missing something?

[–] C1pher@lemmy.world 14 points 13 hours ago

Now this MF is building “statues” of himself. How many red flags can they “slip” past?

[–] peetabix@sh.itjust.works 3 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 13 minutes ago) (3 children)

Looks like that guy on the left is humping Trumps leg.

edit: Turns out its a woman.

[–] CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.cafe 2 points 4 hours ago

That's the woman. Who, ironically, couldn't adequately cover Trump's body mass. 😂

[–] And009@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 8 hours ago
[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 9 hours ago

The mark of a modern Republican/fascist

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 22 points 19 hours ago

There are plans to create a 9-foot-tall version in bronze in the works, according to the project’s website.

Good fucking lord.

[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 31 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

Holy fuck that's so cringe. What a fucking narcissist.

[–] nuko147@lemm.ee 17 points 19 hours ago

There are plans to create a 9-foot-tall version in bronze in the works, according to the project’s website.

The site asks for contributions ranging from $10, which will earn donors a vote on the location of where the statue will be permanently installed, to $25,000 to receive a limited quarter-life-size bronze replica.

Contributors who give $4,500 will receive a 12-inch sculpture. “These sculptures are the same one’s [sic] being offered to big money donors to The Trump Campaign,” the site says.

Jesus fucking Christ...

[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 45 points 23 hours ago (5 children)

This makes me more suspicious that the whole fucking thing was staged

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 11 points 21 hours ago

I doubt it as many people hate Trump and want him to die. He definitely leaned into the whole victim thing but I'm sure the attempt was real.

[–] FilthyHookerSpit@lemmy.world 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

Like the fact that SS knew about the shooter way before he even set up his rifle? Or the lack of investigation into the guy? I mean they went on and on and on about hunters laptop but an actual attempt on Trump's life? Never mentioned before this.

[–] Jamablaya@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago

"lack of investigation" is fairly normal when the person is dead. Anyways, it's really, really, really obvious the Secret Service decided to let the kid take his shot before they killed him.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 19 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

BTW, Trump was never hit by a bullet. He hurt his ear when a SS guard rushed to cover him and hit him with his gun holster.

[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 35 points 23 hours ago (4 children)

The world will be a better place when he's dead.

[–] fnrir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 hours ago

I disagree in the long term. He'd disappear, but the problem would persist. Someone else would eventually take his place.

That being said, he's clearly harmful and I can't come up with a better solution, so...

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 1 points 11 hours ago

Every day, I wake up in hope of seeing that headline.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] D_C@lemm.ee 9 points 18 hours ago

Here's the thing...
He's a fat useless cunt.
The end.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 18 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 23 hours ago) (1 children)

symbolizes the divine intervention as well as the man and his message of unity and resilience for which America stands

So, Jesus "giving his own life" (for 3 days) is a huge deal, and a huge sacrifice, but then God kinda "volunteers" Corey Comperatore to die for Trump, without asking?

[–] CoffeeJunkie@lemmy.cafe 2 points 4 hours ago

It gets messy when people act like God has an active hand in every single little thing that happens. It's right up there with "everything happens for a reason". You know, rape happens for a reason. You just don't know why yet.

I like to frame it as free will & sometimes things just...happen. Accidents happen. Free will principle. Sometimes bad things happen because of bad people, sometimes bad things happen because you're stupid...it just seems to make more sense than an overly involved god.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 127 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Monuments to oneself are a classic dictator move

He's in the shallow end of the pool, but he's going to keeping getting worse and more unhinged

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 12 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

The suspension of Habeas corpus is deep end

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] coherent_domain@infosec.pub 91 points 1 day ago (3 children)

If he is gonna spend public money to worship himself, I at least expect the statue to be slightly higher quality than this piece of crap.

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 72 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

It was quite an artistic choice to make the female secret service agent look like she is cowering in fear rather than the reality that she was trying to tackle/take a bullet for the dumbass target who wouldnt stay down.

Then by comparison you have the male agent who looks like hes at the beach and not even concerned about gunfire at all. Its actually impressive how much misogyny is dripping out of this statue

Not to mention we all know Trump was not anywhere close to the tallest of the people on that stage

[–] yeather@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 day ago

During the actual event the female agent seemed to be pulling Trump down and blocking his front and side, while the male agent was pushing him down and shielding overtop him. The main issue is Trump is old and built like a frog, so you can’t apply much oressure or else you make him tumble. This probably allowed him to break free and stand for the fight moment.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 1 day ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (6 children)
[–] Carmakazi@lemmy.world 49 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I will continue to voice my opposition to this take.

People in the crowd got hit and one died, there's a picture of Crooks' head split open by sniper fire. There is no proof it was a setup beyond how Trump and his campaign leveraged it, which isn't really proof.

Clinging onto this theory feels like the same kind of smarmy double speak Holocaust deniers use. "It didn't happen, but I wish it did."

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 30 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wouldn't bet on a fucking Navy SEAL winging a moving target on the ear at 400-500'. Anyone thinking it was staged has two issues: They watched too many action movies and have never shot a rifle.

[–] kkj@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 day ago (2 children)

They definitely didn't stage it by actually shooting him. If it was staged, he used a blood pack and was not hit. That would track with his ear recovering so quickly.

[–] sfled@lemm.ee 7 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The way the tissue regenerated was miraculous, wasn't it? No ragged gaps, no scar tissue...

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)

Fair, and I don't believe it was staged. BUT, somebody dying doesn't mean it wasn't staged. It just means they're willing to sacrifice some lives to secure power.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 26 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.

[–] perestroika@lemm.ee 5 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

If he continues ruling like that, he's going to need more floor space. :)

If it were another house, I'd recommend a statue of a small crowd of Soviet citizens heroically overwhelming a man who missed Brezhnev with a pistol. The statue should be equipped with audio, so if a visitor approaches, the audio should play and multilingual translations should run on a screen, narrating the approximate dialogue:

<bang>
you missed him
<bang>
really poor shot
<bang>
hey, let me try
<bang>
give me the gun
<bang>
you're wasting ammo, give me the damn gun
<bang>
stop resisting, I will take the gun from you now

(sadly it's based on an anecdote, no such historical event has occurred)

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 60 points 1 day ago

Fucking pathetic

load more comments
view more: next ›